Category Archives: Swami Chinmayananda

Role of Parents in Moulding their Children ~ Swami Chinmayananda

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[Excerpts from letters and articles by Swami Chinmayananda]

CHILDREN are our WEALTH! We the elders — parents and teachers, elder brothers and sisters — have the responsibility to provide for our children such education that they may come out into the fields of life with full confidence in themselves and a right knowledge of the world and the life therein. When an individual does not know what are the rules of life, and what exactly is the game of striving in this world, we cannot expect him either to play the game of national endeavour or to contribute to the team-spirit for the world unity.

In the CRADLE of TODAY are the LEADERS of TOMORROW. The Nation that realises this is the “Nation that is in the making”. To tend and to educate the growing children is the first responsibility of every National Government. But to mould their character, to inspire them to the cultural ideals, to constantly hold immortal heroes of the country, to thrill the new generation with the beauties of the past — these are to be provided not by a Government nor can any educational institution undertake this sacred work effectively. These inner beauties must be imparted to the growing heart of the children in the more intimate atmosphere of the HOME. 

In our cultural development WOMEN certainly have a place. Women preserve our cultural tradition of India by imparting our culture to their children. The secret of maintaining our great culture has been the sacred duty of women. Today the lamp of religion is still burning because of our women. Her duty is to bring up the child. The child looks at the mother with devotion rather than fear. Just because mothers are educated, they need not neglect their children in order to maintain their career. To mother over children is the most sacred of all work that a woman can accomplish in her life. The woman’s duty is to shape the child with her loving care. She is the queen of the house. To rediscover the heart of the world is the duty of women today!

A class teacher can teach historical details and bring into the child’s understanding all scientific facts. But to sow the seeds of higher aspirations, to water them with courage until they germinate into character — for these, the touch of an intelligent MOTHER is unavoidable. They alone can instill and develop in their children the cultural beauty of the Hindus. When such mothers were available in the society, hosts of mighty men had risen in the society bringing through dynamic endeavours spectacular achievements for the Nation. When mothers have the knowledge, children will automatically get it — naturally, automatically. Large-hearted and extremely inspired mothers alone can give birth to equally great children! Women had indeed and even today are the real custodians of our country’s spiritual culture. When a mother is a true seeker, the whole environment of the house changes. You are the mother, the model, the Guru! 

ONE little child can change the entire history of the country. All the great men of the past, from childhood onwards, some ideals were inculcated into them, and all of them, invariably declare in their autobiographies and biographies, that for the greatness they achieved, or for whatever good they were able to do, they are indebted to their MOTHERS. It is always the MOTHER at home who gives the values and ideals to the child, who moulds the mental thinking of the child. It is the MOTHER alone who imparts the soft values, who gives to you the ideals of charity, goodness, tenderness, affection and forgiveness. She never imparts by giving you a discourse, but in her life the mother DEMONSTRATES these ideals and the child sees it, the idea becomes embedded in him.

Today’s world is to be the future world. Today’s people and their contribution is that which is going to mould the world; its ways and its life for the future. Children are the “architects of the future world”. They are the builders of humanity. They alone are our only hope for the future. If the future is to be bright, we have to mould our children to think in a new pattern, with a new inspiration and a new vision in their minds. If the present children are moulded in their attitudes, in their values, in their ideas, and in their ideals, we can logically expect a better and more organised world of tomorrow and achieve the design for the world that we hope for at this moment. It is not only sufficient that the children be trained in the higher values of life. We must strive to mould the children to think correctly, judge rightly, and have the courage and heroism to live up to their convictions. We have to take responsibility for moulding and beautifying the child, prepare him to face the world of tomorrow and to lead and guide the world of the future. Only then we have proved that today’s children are our future.

It is the obvious duty of parents and teachers to inculcate high-mindedness in the children, and pour their labour of love in lifting them up to be men of sterling characters. It is the most sacred task of the parents as well as teachers to mould their lives in accordance with the sublime Indian Tradition. The seed of spiritual values should be sown in the young hearts, and the condition should be made favourable for its sprouting and steady growth by the exercise of proper control and discipline. Cared for with warmth of love and affection, such a tree shall blossom forth flowers of Brotherhood, Universal Love, Peace, Bliss, Beauty and Perfection. Let us try to leave in them some higher and nobler values. This done — we have then educated them for the highest achievements.

Children grow not only because of the food you give and physical comforts you provide, but their inner nature, emotional and intellectual, is moulded by the atmosphere at home we give them. The formative periods of childhood is the most plastic state of mind when the individual is available for moulding and casting into a right personality. If mishandled at this stage, it can get deformed into an ugly demon-like character. In the early stages of childhood, every one is potential material which can be moulded with a little pressure of discipline into spectacular beauty and covetable perfection. Children growing up in a surcharged atmosphere of divine devotion cannot but grow up as the stalwart supports of our Culture and Religion.

The ideal given to them in their early childhood alone can again and again inspire them in their future years of life and supply them with the courage to face their problems, the guts to pursue their purposes diligently, the faith in themselves and in their country and the heroism to live and act according to their own convictions. A generation growing up thus, determined to gain their goal, sure of their dignity, consistent in their endeavour, and deeply proud of their own cultural past, alone can render a country to grow up to the status of a Nation.

Moral Values have a positive dynamism all of their own. They are not a mere negative “don’t do — don’t touch” set of rules. They are a dynamic set of positive ideas accepted in your understanding and lived with Rama-like heroism and Krishna-like inner grit. Without the ability to give up; total sacrifice of all that you have understood to be base, low and vicious, moral values cannot be fruitfully lived. Morals cannot be TAUGHT, they must be CAUGHT from mothers and the teachers, while the child is still young and is in his or her formative years. Expose them while young, to the eternal values of life. A true appreciation of the eternal values of life alone can make a child grow in the right direction. Unless our hearts are filled with love, this man-making programme cannot take off.

Children are the cleanest canvas on which to paint…. today’s children are completely in the hands of their mothers — to make or mar them. This is the time for you to start and sing to them the immortal beauty of our ancient culture, the perfections of our masters, the fullness of our kings, the heroism of our soldiers, the vision of our poets, the depths of our philosophers and the heights of our national character. Patiently ingrain into them reverence for our national culture, for the genius of the land, for the beauty of our art and the wealth of our literature.

We, the elders with responsibility, should right away start to give our growing children a healthier intellectual and physical climate, where they can grow with noble ideals, with healthy emotions and physical discipline. The ingenuity of our creative thinking must evolve a salutary environment for our children to grow with, to strive for, and to lead the mighty nation. We must provide them with a better chance to live a nobler life and serve our country more fully.

Children’s​ behaviour depends entirely upon, and is ever controlled by, the standard of purity and culture in their parents. Children IMITATE their parents. We, the parents, must CHANGE. The child learns more by imitating than from teaching and this self-education has to begin in the tender years of infancy. Children learn NOT from books. Higher values cannot be imparted to students by institutions, society, community, or even a committee. In order to impart the spiritual values to o​ur growing children, there is no better way than concretizing them through the example of our own lives and through the heroic stories of people who have lived according to those sacred principles. 

The remedy is with us. We are not giving enough respect, reverence, true love and affection to our children. Once these values come back, Nature herself will guide every mother and father in training their children to create a better tomorrow. Motherhood or Fatherhood — we have to take responsibility for moulding and beautifying the child, prepare him to face the world of tomorrow, prepare him to lead and guide the world of the future. It is a tremendous responsibility. Once you realise that responsibility, you will handle the children much more intelligently. Never can children’s education be complete unless, we impart to them a true appreciation of the eternal values of life. Try to create in them self-confidence to serve and act rightly in cheerfulness. Generate in them true affection in all their contacts; inculcate in them some personal discipline and the true spirit of leadership.

It is the bounden duty of all parents to hand over the cultural inspiration of the country to the growing children of the nation. This can never be done by any agents, by the government or by any other private institution, as efficiently as the parents could. Unfortunately, we are today, in India, a community so totally ignorant of our culture that we are helpless in conveying to our children the Values-of-Life that our National Culture stands for. A study of Srimad Bhagavatham can give the parents a sufficient bird’s eye-view of our ancient culture and rich heritage. They shall not thereafter feel that they have no ideas to impart to their children. Bring the ideas to them: show how it all applies in their day-to-day life.

When the child has crawled out of infancy and starts to move about, watch and observe, it is now fit for its self-education…. and this period is the most crucial time in building up the child’s entire future. At this juncture, its main study is from example and it imitates all the elders that it watches around in its little world — parents, servants, neighbours, their children, visitors, etc. From everyone they pick up the traits, habits, words, ideas, dress-habits, even their accent and inflections of speech. The child is never tired of observing around him and learning from everyone and from every situation. To provide the child, at this nursery level, a happy and cheerful atmosphere with ideals of affection, tenderness, concern for other living beings, appreciation of the good and the noble, recognition of beauty in things and charm in people would be ideal. They are slow to grasp — therefore, we have to openly exaggerate the noble virtues, and be a bit demonstrative! Tell them that you love them, that they are beautiful, intelligent, good and noble. Repeat it again and again! Demonstrate your readiness to sacrifice for others. Let children see that you are very anxious to be helpful to others. These can very quickly impress them and sink into their personality. Thus noble character is easily formed.

Children: their rate of absorption of knowledge and experiences in the early years is stupendous. Therefore, an atmosphere of religion and spiritual values around them is very important in moulding and enhancing their mental life. Introduce them to stories of Rama and Krishna. Stories about the spiritual giants of the world, their experiences and trials, their strength in overcoming temptations, the positive experiences of joy that they gained, may all be passed on to the children with appropriate emotions. The endless stories and analogies can take their minds on an independent trip to see for themselves a greater message of life and a larger value in life. Make it a point for the children to pray before their meals, for a short, yet serious moment. When they ask questions about flowers, clouds, butterflies or frogs, be alert to spice your honest explanations with a hint about the play of God around us. Leave them with these small hints; don’t go into details. Let the children watch both mother and father praying to the Lord regularly.

Have a READING session at home — where father reads and all children listen and discuss — I assure you there is no greater heaven upon earth! And you don’t realise the influence you are leaving upon the children. Nothing impresses them in their deeper-depths as that which happened to them through their own father and mother. Let the reading go on. In vacation time when children are all with you, let the reading be daily. In the daytime have a session of Vichar — discussion in the house. Turn the questions asked by children while story-telling into teachable moments!

Mother! Learn to leave more and more judgements and decision to the grown up children themselves. Make them self-confident and self-assertive. By holding on to those dynamic children, don’t cram their growth with your motherly attachment. Protect them but don’t choke their growth — be like the bark-of-a-tree. Allow it to grow as much as it wants — and yet hold it together. It is natural that you feel very anxious when children suddenly move away for their education and training. Let children grow up with their own independent ideas and associations. We can only try to direct them — give them good examples at home. Rest will follow. We shall try to guard them as much as possible: don’t try to keep them in your lap,….that’s how children grow — and like birds fly away structuring their own life. 

May the parents realise that children grow and must have their own independent fields to grow up. Leave them alone. You are not allowed to spoil him or spoil yourself. Now release them to be free to grow in their own fashion. Take the props away; no more iron-jackets for them. They are great and really good ones. Leave them alone. They will never go bad inspite of the crude temptations all around….they are beautiful and fully responsible and self-sufficient young ones. You must learn to think that they are there growing to be healthy boy and girl fit to face life. We are giving them the best education we can. You must write to them healthy letters of your love and give them nobler values of life. Don’t show them your weakness — tears, sighs etc. They must get courage from you. They will grow up as beautiful as you can ever wish for. They will flourish and grow well spreading shade all around them. 

Father! Your duty to the children comes first. Intimate relationship between the father and the son is a very healthy and useful training for an ordinary householder to prepare him to grow to greater heights and to come to feel the oneness that underlies the pluralistic phenomena. A true son of Bharat must not only absorb the essential logic of the scriptures but must LIVE them fully, experience the unfoldment so gained, and come to expound, express and preach his scriptures to the growing generation of his children.

Don’t just invest ON the child; also invest IN the child! “Investment ON” gives outer prosperity. “Investment IN” ensures inner unfoldment and lasting prosperity.

Children are not vessels to be filled in, but lamps to be lit! It is our bounden duty to do everything to make children grow into beautiful beings!

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